While it has been a while and this one will be a strange one
So as I said I know it has been a while since I posted anything and I am sorry about that. (In case anyone out there in the cyber universe is actually reading it) I guess alots gone on and life has been busy but then at the same time it seems as though nothing changed , I know it has and I know nothing can go back to the way it was but somehow it seems like wrong has become the norm now. I am not sure if that is making any sense…..
Anyway another holiday is right around the corner… damn easter bunny… i know that always adds stress to everything and as much as I would like to blame lifes current blehness came from, I know that wouldnt be true….I have thought about this alot lately and I have decided something….one day soon I am going to wake up and walk outside to a cool blue sky. I am going to feel free again and smell the crispness, the newness in the air. I will see the storm clouds out in the distance and it will bring a smile to my face. I will stand alone, but not afraid. I will stand strong. I will watch the girls play in the water. We will sit and let all our senses take in the coming rainstorm. I miss that feeling. We will let the rain cool our skin, smell it in the air, hear the raindrops getting louder and heavier, the thunder letting us know the storms coming closer. We will watch the black clouds roll in and see the lightning out over the water. I will let the breeze and the falling rain rinse my soul clean of everything thats tarnishing now. We will sit on the step; take it all in. Absorb it in such a way that we are no longer spectators but actually a part of the storm. We will watch the rising water creep higher and higher, bringing the shoreline closer to us. They will finally see what it is I miss so much. (technically they have seen it before but never at an age they could really understand) hopefully it will become as big a part of them as it is me…. when the wind and the rain has calmed and the sun comes peering out again I will let them go comb the beach for shells (thats the best time to find them) and i will just look out over it all. Really see the picture I can see so clearly in my head. Finally see it all. I will watch them collecting shells and playing on the beach and beyond that I will see that wonderful color..impossible to capture by anything else in this world. That color of the sky after a storm blending into the ocean;unmatchable,indescribable, and a site I long so desperately to see again. Then I will smile, I will be clean again and things will be the way I have been longing for.
Anyway, I warned you it would be a weird one…. thats just a piece of something in my head. I miss it….I think about it alot,especially lately. When I feel the most lost and alone, the most confused… I try to get myself back there again. Back to where everything is so simple and clean and pure. Where everything rinses clean again and I am never lost or alone. There is nothing and no one there to hurt me, to change me, for me to just be me and taken in for it. I am sure many people think I sound like a nut when i say that but if any of you have ever found that place then you know exactly what I am talking about and how I feel.
What can I say I have been feeling very lost and alone lately. Its not just wanting more, I need more then this…. its something I cant help. He doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for a while. I don’t know why he is even here anymore. Its making me more and more bitter towards him everyday that passes. He has hurt me enough, I feel like he has broken me down over the last few months…. hes just tearing down what I tried so hard to put back together again. If thats his reason behind staying then he should go… hes already done enough damage to screw me up for a good while. I should have followed my instincts. I didn’t and don’t have time to fall apart or to pick up the pieces again. I said I would be smarter this time…. before I even met him, I was not going to let myself be in love with anyone again. Then I thought he was worth it, apparently I am not worth it to him. That was the other thing, when I saw myself getting hurt and knew that he wasn’t there for me anymore and when i noticed that change i would walk, no questions asked, that would be it and i didn’t do either one. I let myself fall, i let him get to me, and i was dumb enough to stick around for it. I am pretty sure that it has already gotten to the point that he doesn’t care if he hurts me or not.Either that or he enjoys it and thats why he stays. I don’t know if i even have it in me at this point to yell anymore. I am such an idiot. I stay for the hurt and betrayel. Its my own fault i guess. I knew better. I know better and i know after this long in life and bad relationships that I deserve something more then this. I should have stayed alone or let it end already.Theres no one to let you down, no one to hurt you and no matter what happens you have no one to blame but yourself. I don’t know… I need a cigarette now…. more to follow though i don’t promise it will make any more sense then this one….
Does life ever slow down a bit?
Ever have one of those weeks were it seems like even when you have time where nothing is going on, you are too exhausted to actually enjoy it? Yeah, that is kind of the way it has been around here lately. I am not sure where to start or even where to go on this one really…. I think the hamster that runs the wheel in my head got drunk and is now stumbling around on it backwards, falling off and giggling to himself now and then.
So I suppose I should start and just see where it goes and then I am sure at some point later I can come back and elaborate if I need to. Good thing to report(exhausting but good)… mama kitty had her kittens! It was filled with drama and vet bills and scared times and being up all night and…yeah. So I will try to keep it to a short version… she went into labor and had her first two kittens under the kids bunk beds (the one place I did not want her) and then we quickly moved her to my sisters closet where not long after she delivered a third healthy kitten. Well she was still acting strange and uncomfortable and we could tell she was still in labor and despite my requests she was let out of my sisters room. She then at some point later gave birth to a stillborn in my bedroom…..not a fun thing to clean up. Anyway, we all noticed she was still acting like she was in labor and just being strange in general even for a cat in labor so at around 6:30 that night we decided it had been long enough and we needed to get her to the vet to see if therre were more or what was up. So vet visit, after an ultrasound found out there were two kittens still in there, stuck way up high. They recommended a c-section,no way we could afford it. Were told that the kittens were alive for now but no telling how long they would last and then after they died she would turn septic and die as well….not pleasant news. We brought her home and started with calcium(vet said it might help with contractions) and I sat and rubbed her belly down and out trying to help her anyway i could think of. I countinued this until about 4 in the morning. About 45 minutes later, my sister and her bf let me know she had another stillborn. Okay thats good at least its out but one to go… by 10 in the morning still no other kitten. Back to the vet…. 116$ and all day and several shots and fluids to induce contractions still nothing. Vet was as confused as we were. Did an ultrasound again and the other one had vanished….not sure if she had it and ate it or hid it or what. Either way, very sad about the loss of 3 kittens but thanking the Gods for a healthy momma and 3 adorable healthy kittens.
Another thing is my druggie sister causing problems. She has fallen pretty hard off the wagon lately and though was prescribed the meds this time, she overdid it as usual. I took more care of momma and baby kittys and she is her cat. She generally has not had much of a clue of whats going on for the past 4 or 5 days. She is making messes, eating like a pig, smoking my cigs, and just being an all around bitch. I should mention my sister has had alot of problems and issues for a long time now and I was in her place at one point. Its hard for me to pass judgement. Master has always disliked her and put me in the middle of everything since moving in. He has constantly complained even when she is doing well and trying to help. I am so fucking tired of being in the middle of shit. It is hard enough for me to deal with the issues i have with my sister without Him adding more to it. And He complains about everything she does or doesn’t do on a constant basis. He talks badly about her,puts her down and never even tries to see when she has made progress. I know I get frustrated with her but she is my sister. And as I said i don’t need Him adding to it all the time. He has wanted her out since before we even moved in honestly. So of course I will end up being the one kicking her out and I will feel absolutely horrible about it, knowing she is my younger sister and she has problems and very few people she can go to and me being her older sister I am supposed to look after her. If she goes bc of that and I throw her out I would hate myself for it everyday. I am sure He would be just as happy as He could be.
There is the other problem. Master and I have not been getting along well. It comes and goes in waves but I feel like this has taken a turn from a loving relationship that is me giving myself to Him to Him taking advantage and treating me without love or respect of any kind. My theory on that is, He wants to treat me as if that is all that I am to Him then that is all I will be. He wants someone to just bend to His will,without a mind or voice of their own at all,not a loving commited two person relationship then fine…. I will give him just that. I know He will read this and have complaints about the way I am going about it and try to say that is not the case but his actions and His words have said enough lately. I intend to do my slave duties as He wants me to and do the best I can….anything beyond the set of rules… all those extra little things that are on no list of rules, that go completely unnoticed, I don’t have to give him any of that. Quite frankly i haven’t wanted to lately. I know that sounds bad but this has just been snow balling into a bigger and bigger mess and I haven’t been happy for I don’t even know how long. And for a bit there I thought I did a pretty damn good job of hiding behind a happy mask but I am tired of hiding. Its time the truth was let out. It seems like I have no sex drive at all anymore, part of it bc we have seemed to just be off lately but another part is like fine He wants sex He can take what He wants but I am not going to try to start anything bc when I have the responses have been less then encouraging and I do not feel like a beloved pet anymore…..now I am simply and only what he wants…. a simple,mindless,voiceless slave…..
Hope everyone else is well…more to follow sometime soon…I need to start dinner
Ummm well shit I don’t have a post name today
So another day goes by… nothing to incredibley interesting to report really. Been feeling kind of crappy lately… I think it is going around. One of the monkeys is sick and it seems to be coming and going with me, luckily Master doesn’t seem to have it too much. He was bothered by the fact I didn’t mention sex we had when I did my last post…. ha ha ha…. Kinda funny really… He has hardly written in his blog at all and he has never ever mentioned anything about our sex life or even anything remotely close to it.
So anyway, yes we did have sex following a test with a new toy/punishment device. He wanted to test me to see how much I could take before it turned from hurts so good to actual hurting for punishment. I don’t think He understands one of the biggest part of punishment is the fear of it and the knowing I fucked up, the pain is just additional fun.(Note the sarcasm there) The sex was pretty good though I think being told what to do before hand as far as getting into certain positions for test punishment type thingie we did, and the light teasing and spanking before hand was in a way even better. I like when He puts me into strange and new positions…. we have always done different positions and things but ever since we started with the whole M/s relationship He has been putting my legs way up and together (which I absolutely love) and he has had me get on all fours more often. I love those kind of positions… its great to have me on top or him on top for a bit to start or at the end when we wear each other out, but until then I am and always have been a put me on all fours or put my legs up or pin me against a door kinda girl. I have never really gotten into the whole soft and sweet and slow type thing. Again it is okay for the very start or whatever but then I like to kick it up a few notches.
On another note, Master and I have been talking about collars more. We both want something that is slightly different and something that kind of has a bit of us in it. At the same time we want something I can wear that certain people will know what it is but to vanilla family and friends it wouldn’t look like anything outside of something I would normally wear.He wants something thats fitting for us but still stands for me being His slave. Hopefully we will find something that works well and I am keeping my fingers crossed it is sooner as opposed to later… yes I know I am impatient. (I am open to suggestions if anyone has any?) Master was looking into possibley anklets and braclets but not in the general sense… think belly dancer style. I have belly danced for a while now, although I am seriously out of practice currently. I am working on getting back into it along with yoga though. I know that would please Master very much. (And hopefully make for some interesting nights!! ; x )
The only other things to report are most people in the house are anxiously awaiting the arrival of kittens. Our poor momma kitty is huge and so miserable and we can tell it is going to be anytime now. (We have been through this before.) She is taking it pretty well considering she is just a bitchy kitty in general alot of the time. So yeah, most of us our waiting not very well to start seeing kittens. And no there are no plans to keep any of them as of right now bc we already have a zoo but in this house you never know what will come next…..And my doctor called me today and wants an appointment for tomorrow.(I have some health issues) I recently had bloodwork and x-rays done so I am guessing that is what it is refering too… still nervous though. But at least this way I can have him go ahead and check to make sure my cold thing is just that, a passing cold thing and nothing more. **sigh** oh well wish me luck all and as always hope this finds you all well and goodnight!
Weekends over already?
Well as always it seems like the weekend went by too fast and we did not get alot done. Master and I did talk some and despite minor arguements here and there, we are doing fairly well I think. We had some fun last night. Master, myself, my sister, her boyfriend, and a friend of ours all got together to play some guitar hero and some karoake type games and we added booze to the mix. We did get a bit silly and I know for a bit I was pretty drunk but it passed quickly and there was no hangover luckily. Master also took the kids so one of them could get their ears repierced. He brought me home a Jack Skelenton mug and a cute little wallet. I love Nightmare Before Christmas and he knows this so…. we have been playing guitar hero alot lately and luckily I am getting better at it. (I started off seriously sucking) We also had a discussion about some of the rules and punishments and things like that which really needed to be talked about. Aside from that we had to say goodbye to our puppy Olive…. she is not a dog that can really be happy in an apartment and after much consideration we decided it was best for our other animals and her if we found her a new home. Luckily we found a very nice family with many kids and a big yard so she has the room she needs and I have no doubt that she will be very happy there. It still makes me sad though, we are very much animal people and like having lots of pets and they are like family but knowing she is better off makes me feel better.On that note we are also getting ready for my sisters cat to have kittens. (she was supposed to have her fixed but did not do it quick enough) We have been through the kitten thing before so we know what to expect and look for and we know she is about ready to pop….poor thing is miserable…. We did have alot of fun last night though I am slightly disappointed Master and i didn’t have any alone time but we did manage to get some time alone tonight. He wanted to test my pain tolerance and talk about the fact that we were going to start being more strict with some things including punishments and also readjust some of the rules to fit us better. Hopefully this will help and I am starting to think this will be an ever evolving relationship with many more changes to come. As for now I am going to go… have a monkey that might be staying home from school tomorrow and aside from my regular tasks, Master has added getting the bedroom a bit more orderly to my tasks tomorrow. It is late and I know Master likes me in bed with him. Hope all is well with everyone. Goodnight all!
Another day goes by….
Well I am keeping things short and sweet here with possibly more to follow later. Nothing too interesting has been going on the last couple days. No arguements really which is a good thing; no sex which is a bad thing. There was an attempt last night but it didnt go well and i am pretty sure we both went to bed feeling frustrated.I offered the night before but Master wasn’t feeling well so that was a no go. I can’t say much though… I have been pretty tired and not exactly feeling the greatest myself.The whole cutting down to quit smoking thing sucks and is alot harder then I thought it would be. I don’t think Master understands that trying to quit something like that can make a person somewhat cranky and a bit testy.With some of the things he is asking me to do and some of the se we were having and now the lack of passion in and out of the bedroom, I am starting to wonder if he is not as attracted to me in the way he was. Or maybe it is just part of this whole thing, feeling under appreciated and somewhat used. I know its His right to use me as He wants but… it didn’t seem this way at the begining. I don’t know, but then it seems I have been saying that alot lately. Oh well… He is going out tonight and I have stuff to do so I am going to end this now. More to follow soon….
Sex can be the perfect mix of pleasure and pain….and a new ferret!!(not like that you pervs!)
Well yet again I am late in writing this but at least interesting things have happened in the mean time. A post thats not bring for a change…. that counts for something right? So anyway, Master and myself have talked some about our problems and vented and all that and it seems for now we are back on the right track. And the sex is back to being on the right track as well.
We both knew that our sex life had not exactly been fan-fucking-tastic as of lately, though neither of us could pinpoint the cause. Well yesterday/last night that took a turn for the better I am happy to report. Master started going down on me, something He does not do often but that I really enjoy. After going down on me for a bit and then having an unexpected interuption (damn sister), He decided he was going to fuck me. And fuck me He did! It was fantastic and we pulled a toy out on top of that. I didn’t get off that time, though my Master said I had been a good girl and was allowed to. (It is hard for me to get off sometimes;something we have been working on) So He thought it would be a good idea for me to keep playing with the toy after He had already cum all over me. He said He wanted to watch, something He has never done before. Everytime I got close after the first time I got off my instinct was it was too much and I wanted to pull it away and stop. Master did not let me, He saw me doing this and demanded that I keep it there until He was ready to fuck me again. He sat and watched me squirm and my clit get sore and swollen. I told Him I didn’t think I could take it anymore and He insisted I kept on. Finally he put Himself back inside me, which I had been aching for the whole time. It felt so amazing. I have never really been one for multiple orgasms…. actually I thought people who could have them either lied or were damn fucking lucky. Anyway, He started pounding into me and asking me if I could take it all for Him like a good girl… He knows I can’t say no to Him when He challenges me that way. So I kept taking all of Him in (and I have to point out I am lucky enough to have a very well endowed Master **evil grin** ) and still keeping using the toy as well. I kept on and He just made me take it harder and deeper and use the toy more and more. Well needless to say I got off several times during play last night and I am happy to say my Master did as well. **Happy me!!!** I have never had that before.
I have to say I think it upset Master a bit though because afterward I was completely mind fucked and sore. I was not up for our usual talking and snuggling. My whole body felt numb and tingley and like the slightest touch might have set me off again. I really don’t think I could have handled much more honestly… for a minute I thought I might pass out. Ha ha! He did kiss me on the forehead several times and tell me how good I was for Him that night. I had been a little mouthy lately and had been trying very hard not to be, which is why He said I deserved to get off.
It was so strange though…. it was this odd mix of pleasure and torture. I think Master really enjoyed watching me squirm though… He always does like that. Fortunately and unfortunately I think He will be wanting to do that again soon… He wants me to be able to cum more than once.. don’t get me wrong I can get off and then keep going for a long time after, but He wants me to be able to cum easier and more frequently to the point where He can demand I get off. As much as I enjoyed it and look forward to anytime Master and I have sex, my clit was so sore and my mind was just gone. My whole body and brain were in another world somewhere… great fun but definately a new and unusual experience.
So I did finally get my hair dyed. Master has wanted it dyed and I have talked about it as well. He really seems to like it and I am getting more used to it. It is a little more purple and a little less red then I was going for.A good exscuse to pull the camera out and take new pics, not that He really needs a reason. Though He has not seemed as into it lately. (Mental note to ask Master about that.)
The other bit of news is that we have added yet another member to our ever growing zoo. I am now the proud owner of a little baby ferret! Master had a ferret when we moved in together and we had been thinking Baby (Masters ferret) might want a playmate. I was kind of scared at first. I love animals, but was not familiar with ferrets at all and His bites and is not the best trained. So yesterday after talking about it the night before, He went and picked me out a baby ferret of my own. He likes to take her over though. She is so sweet!! I love her already and she doesn’t bite so I can take her out even if Master isn’t home and let her run around and play. We have been trying to come up with names… so far He has shot down several of my ideas. They were strange and silly but still cute. Right now she is being called lil bit. Just kind of what keeps popping out of my mouth and it seems to fit. Not sure though we are all still coming up with new suggestions… lil bit is the only thing that has kinda stuck so far, so we will see. Well I think I am keeping Master up and He has to work early and unfortunately I have things to do as well. **sigh** ooh well… hope everyone is well and goodnight all!!!
And still going….Any advice?
Well my brain wants to keep thinking and stop me from sleeping. Damn brain… Anyway at least it is raining,er, sprinkling-ish outside. I grew up with lots of rain and now live where there is very very little of it. I miss it and cherish the few times it does rain here. So aside from the rain….
I just can’t get things off my mind. I hate arguing with Master, especially when it feels like its an unproductive arguement. Ha. I find that slightly entertaining that there are actually productive and unproductive arguements… sounds dumb but everybody knows its true. The last few daysish (I add the ish because I am horrible with days and timeframes so,yeah) we have seemed to be out of sync in alot of things. We are kind of arguing/picking on each other, I know I have gotten pissy with Him (though I do think 90% of the time was justified) and I have felt that I am putting more into us then He is. Just sucks and I do not like feeling that way, and I know He doesn’t either but hasn’t seemed to save us from it. And so far our “talks” about it have been unproductive and just seem to get me worked up and Him frustrated. I feel like He is expecting so much from me right away but isn’t helping me or giving me the guidance or opportunity or equipment(for lack of better word) to do the things He wants. I am trying but He doesn’t think I am trying hard enough it seems. I think it is important for me to point out to anyone reading this that yes, my Master does read my blog but I am allowed to write anything my heart desires without fear of punishment or anything. He just wants to know more of what goes on in my head and many times its easier for me to get my thoughts out in a clear and calm way when I am writing/typing.
I also know this is coming off one sided and it is only one side of things. I am sure He sees things differently, I am just confused and it is not possible for me to see things from His point of view because I am not in his shoes. Another things that seems off sync with us lately is our sex life. (I think this is causing more issues because we both are very sexual people.) Let me say that we are not and never have had bad sex. Just seems like its missing something or something along those lines. I know Master would agree as we both have mentioned it. Its odd and I cannot figure it out… especially since as of like a week ago we were having some of the best sex we have ever had. All couples have sex sometimes that is not exactly great but this is different. Like I said it is not bad sex its just lacking something and there doesn’t seem to be the same passion there has been. Which does happen now and then, but its been the last several times. I think it is starting to effect my sex drive. Master used to say I was insatiable when it came to sex… and generally I am, but not so much the last few days. It bugs me even more because I cannot quite put my finger on this sudden lack of connection or whatever it is.
On top of this I am not feeling my most attractive lately. Master has not complimented me at all lately on anything physical and He stopped pulling out the cameras already. Not to mention several of the rules I now have are directed at my physical appearance. For example I dyed my hair today…. granted I used to dye my hair alot but I was okay with the color it was. But Master kept suggesting I dye it and then finally flat out telling me to do it. So I did… I don’t hate it but I am definately not happy with it. And He is talking about cutting it too… I have very long hair and He wants to keep it long just “trim” some off. Another one of my new rules is doing yoga on a daily basis…. when we started dating I did do yoga regularly and have not been for a while. I am not fat or anything…. I think I am a bit bigger then when we started dating I think but not by much. I will ask Master if He has any pics I can put up and see if I can post them to show what I am talking about. It just seems like He wants me to change alot of physical things about myself all of a sudden and given our recent lack of passion and foreplay I am starting to wonder if He doesn’t find me desirable anymore. As I have said several times…. I am confused….
Anyway I know I have rambled for quite a while now and although the kiddies are sleeping at their friends they will still be back in the morning…. damn holidays…. they give them a different reason to take a day off school every other week…. Hope everyone is doing well and cross your fingers I can get some sleep and hopefully unconfuse myself…. Goodnight!
And so it goes….
Well I realize I am not doing nearly a good enough job keeping up with this, but I am trying. And I am catching constant crap from Master.(With good reason) I have to say I am finding things odd…. I am new to this whole lifestyle and while I am enjoying some parts of it, I am not understanding some rules and things…. I have asked Master what the reason behind some of the rules that I really don’t understand are and He really hasn’t answered me. Can someone tell me if I am out of line by asking? All the things that I understand the meanings behind, I am trying my hardest at and it seems to be going completely unnoticed. He says I am getting an attitude or a tone…. maybe I am…. I am not trying to, I am just trying to better understand what his long term plans are. I feel like this is something I want and something that is a big change for me and that I am trying very hard on, and while I am not saying I should never get in trouble, I feel like I have not been really trained in anyway. I find it somewhat unfair and am unclear on things and I am going to Him for guidance and some kind of show that things are progressing and I am on the right path and I feel like I am not getting any of that. To make matters worse it seems as though we have been “fightint” more. I put it that way because we have had these moments of outburst arguements that then seem to disapate. I am glad because I hate arguing with Master but at the same time I feel like nothing is being resolved and I fear things coming back up to haunt us later.
Take tonight for instance, had the kiddies over staying the night at their friends house and things quiet here. Perfect for some serious long lasting playtime…. didn’t work out that way. We had sex…Master had been rubbing my back for a few minutes and decided that would be a good time to just jump on, normally this does not bother me and I would be all for it but I was extremely relaxed because my back had been killing me for a few days and I was finally getting a back rub (I have back problems) and I wasn’t really turned on. Now I know some of you reading this might say well if he can just demand that he wants you to get into a certain position for his pleasure then what is the difference? Not the case, if Master tells me an order like undress or lay this way or something along those lines it automatically gets me thinking I am going to get a good hard pounding and thus gets me turned on in thinking about it. When nothing is really said or done and its just started, I am just not really turned on. I still didn’t mind, I wanted my Master to get off and He did but I think it is safe to say that neither of us thought it was all that great.
Anyway we got something to eat and were eating and watching tv, nothing big/ I figured that later on we would get back into the swing of things and would get back into playing. Needless to say that didn’t happen. We ended up in an arguement and then just laying down to go to bed. I don’t know that either of us will get much sleep though….. any advice is welcomed and appreciated….
WARNING: I am tired and this is not going to be too interesting tonight
As you can see from the title… I am tired and nothing too interesting or blog worthy happened today. It was a pretty tame day really. After I got the kiddies up and off to school, I came and got back in bed to snuggle with Master. A bit of snuggling and napping turned into sleeping most of the day away. When we woke up he added to my rules and I went out and started cleaning. Well I guess thats a good thing that happened, finally got the living room and dining room clean and more organized and carpets clean. Kitchen is close but need to mop tomorrow…Master took the kids to some skate party thing for their school so I got some time to not be in any kind of mode except weird me mode. So my sisters (one lives with us and the other comes over on a very regular basis;its a two minute walk literally) and myself played some karoake revolution and just goofed off. It was fun. I really love to sing and we have damn near every singing type video game thing you can find, as well as guitar hero world tour. And singing puts me in a good mood. We used to ALL sit and play it a couple times a week but we have all been kinda busy lately so it was nice to play again. After Master came home and the kids were in bed we retired to the bedroom and played WAR a bit. I kind of suck but am getting better, we try to play as often as we can but other things get in the way and when we do have time we use it in other ways. **naughty grin** Well its late and I am tired and I am pretty sure Master is going to want me to pleasure him after he is out of the shower so I am stopping now. (I apologize for boring anyone with this pretty lame blog post… next time will be more interesting, promise)
Better late then never….
Well I am a little behind in writing this one…. Master is not happy about that. He says I have to do better about keeping up with my blog and my written journal is behind as well.( I try, I really do!) So I did end up getting smacked with the belt though I know it really was not that bad… it did sting, really it hurt more afterwardsI think then it did during. I am not saying I did not deserve it but anyway…. back to what I was saying….. that was not the main thing going on. Master and I had some issues that had been left unsaid. More on my part really. We have been going through some heavy stuff lately and we have different ways of dealing with that and they do not mesh well. I felt as though He was not really listening when I was trying to talk to him about how I was feeling about any of it. He seemed to just want to ignore it and pretend things never happened and I just can’t work that way. I felt like I was dealing with something all alone that really was something we should have dealt with together. We ended up getting into a pretty nasty fight about it that started in the morning and then continued in the evening. I know I said some things that He didn’t like but I know He didn’t really mind either. He wanted to know what was really going on. I tried to tell Him the best I could and though the fighting stopped I am not sure how much was really resolved. I think it is an issue we will have to continue to work on it. Unfortunately we are that way on alot of things it seems. The way we argue and the way we deal with things….nothing wrong with either way, they are just different. I know that having different ways of going about things is not necessarily a bad thing, but our ways have a tendency to clash. Oh well. **sigh** All couples have things to work on and the important thing is we are both willing to work on them. That is what really matters when it comes down to it. I don’t know. Like I said in my last post… way too much time to think sometimes. Ever notice how when those times come around, you never start thinking about good things? It is generally the bad things that pop into your head. Well that sounds depressing, ha ha ha. Ok not always bad things…. there are times when my mind wanders and I think and daydream about good things. On the upside we are not arguing currently and for the time being at least things have been resolved; on the donwside I have a feeling Master enjoyed punishing me a bit and enjoyed torturing me sexually (I will have to go into that one more when I am not so tired!) so I have a feeling there will be more of both coming on. I guess it is time for him to start tighting the leash a bit? Keep your fingers crossed I can stay out of trouble!!! Hope all is well with everyone. Sleep tight!
